


In the recess of our minds

by LilacTree_928



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst (?), Dreams, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:48:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24570328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilacTree_928/pseuds/LilacTree_928
Summary: In the darkness of his mind, Jeno found a light in the form of Nana and soon, this light of his needs his help towards salvation.#049: "jeno has been plagued by nightmares all of his life ever since a traumatic childhood experience. he only dreams when he falls asleep during the day, exhausted from staying up at night to avoid the nightmares. in his dreams he always, without fail, meets jaemin - the same boy he's been dreaming about for years, and one day jaemin suddenly asks him to save his world. but what world is he talking about? isn't it just a dream?"
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Kudos: 10
Collections: NOMIN FIC FEST





	In the recess of our minds

**Author's Note:**

> Song playlist (just a little recommendation, you can opt not to listen to it ^^) [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2NhJ1jN0YeO2IZSXZGk7Kv?si=xbNfLtQNTWu8EOnxgimBag)
> 
> There are also some things you have to take note especially during the 'day dreams':  
> \- Freudian viewpoint of dreams with ‘manifest’ and ‘latent’ contents. ‘Manifest content’ being the actual dreams and ‘latent contents’ being the actual meaning of the dreams.  
> \- However, contrary to Freud, I used Jung's viewpoint that dreams reveal more than they conceal for Freud postulated that dreams are the manifestations of one's sexual urges and traumas in a manner that's more acceptable.
> 
> Oh, this is unbeta-ed btw. 🥴
> 
> I'll reveal more in both the text/the end notes so that I won't spoil y'all. 🙊

_Nothing but wishing for everything._

_The water underneath him is akin to a soft hammock lulling him into calmness. The wind caresses his skin gently as the sun smiled gently from the horizon. Float is all he does and float is all he’ll do. That left him empty._

_That emptiness did not persist for long, for soon enough, he felt a nudge on his left forearm. Tearing his eyes aware from the sky, he gently turned his head so as not to tip the balance he had made for himself; he came eye to eye with a little creature. Well, not really little considering how big whales could be despite their age, but compared to what he expected, this whale is quite miniature. ‘_ Must be quite young. _’ He thought and left it at that. Slowly moving his limb, he attempted to nudge the creature back. It did not budge._

_“Jeno-yah!” His senses rang and Jeno, the boy who’s floating aimlessly, jerked at the sudden disturbance which caused him to temporarily submerged into the water. The water barely entered his nostrils when he was pulled up and placed onto the little- wait, the young whale suddenly became enlarged, Jeno noticed as he was made to sit on its back. Warm hands are touching him. Jeno blinked before looking at the intruder inside his safe space._

_“You’re fine! I’m glad!” The boy was all smiles as he finally sat in front of Jeno, pulling his legs in front of him. Jeno did not bother to reply for he knows that despite his silence, a conversation will still flow seamlessly. After a few beats, the little- fine, the_ humongous _whale started trekking its way into the direction of the sunset. The boy in front of him started his aimless chatter again. Jeno settled on crossing his legs and listening to whatever story the boy has up in his sleeves. He knows that the other won’t betray his expectations._

_“Oh! I almost forgot to introduce you! Jeno, meet my friend here, his name is Bella! It’s actually ‘Belladonna’ but that’s too long to say in one breath so let’s stick to ‘Bella!’ Bella, meet an intimate acquaintance of mine, he’s Jeno!” The boy joyfully cut his stories and chirped. Jeno patted the back of the whale as a sign of his greeting. He felt the whale grumble in response. “He’s actually saying ‘nice to meet you’ with that little grumble of his.” The boy raised his eyebrows suggestively and Jeno, finally relenting, opened his mouth to reply. “Nice to meet you too, Bella.” He let out lowly; loud enough for the whale to intercept but quiet enough not to reverberate across the vast ocean like the voice of his companion._

_They continued like that, for how long, Jeno is not certain. He only knows one thing and that is the emptiness from earlier is now replaced with warmth and ease. He smiled, unbeknownst to himself. The sky is now dark, strange lights littering it as they continue their trek across the waters. Jeno looked up, awed at the eeriness of it all. “It’s ugly.” Jeno gently returned his gaze on his companion who was also looking up the sky. Jeno blinked. “It’s ugly.” The boy repeated, purposefully ignoring the confusion littering the air._

_“It’s eerie.” Jeno supplied, returning his gaze on the strange lights on the sky as Bella gently dipped, soaking their trousers. “But you don’t agree that it’s ugly.” The boy replied. Jeno knows that it’s supposed to be a shot but he felt nothing but emptiness as the sentence hung in the air. “I don’t see anything ugly.”_

_The boy snorted at that, filling the air with something strangely akin to anger. Jeno whipped his head towards the boy. Though not the first time, having his senses invaded by the other boy’s anger still physically hurts him. This time, Jeno’s head throbs as the anger builds up. Bella grumbled underneath them but the anger did not subside, it steadily grows and Jeno felt it physically consume the boy in front of him. “Nana.” He called to the boy who’s consumed with his emotions as he kept on glaring at the strange lights above them. When a sharp pain flares across Jeno’s head, with a sharp growl, he called again. “Nana!”_

_The boy, Nana, finally snapped out of it and removed his gaze from the sky. “I-I’m sorry Jeno. I-I didn’t mean to-” Nana was stuttering, his eyes all over the place as Jeno smells fear and uncertainty. Jeno shook his head before patting Bella’s back. He did not bother to reply and Nana’s usual chatter did not return. They fell into an unfathomable silence. Bella dipped slowly and grumbled._

His head was throbbing. Scratch that, his head felt like being split apart. Jeno grumbled under his breath as he finally emerged from the recess of his arms and wiped whatever fluid he left on the table. He hasn’t lifted his head yet but he can already feel the pitying stares from all over the table. “You look terrible Jen.” Donghyuck piped from in front of him as they ate their lunches. Mark hummed and nodded in agreement, looking at Jeno worriedly before handing over a sandwich he had set aside for the younger.

Jeno took the food and thanked the elder gracefully. As he was removing the wrapper around the sandwich, another bout of throbbing in his head had washed over him, so Jeno placed down the sandwich, deciding to massage his forehead over satiating his hunger. “You haven’t been sleeping, have you?” Donghyuck said, concern laced in his voice despite his façade of mockery. Jeno shook his head in response, he can’t even lift his head properly to look at his brothers and settled on trying to chew the pain away. It doesn’t work of course.

“A few naps here and there throughout the day. I haven’t fainted yet, so I guess it’s still sufficing.” He mumbled, wishing that he’s coherent enough to get his point across. There were a few beats before Mark asked tentatively, quite cautious but extremely worried. “Has _it_ worsened?” Jeno looked up, only to lower his gaze again after seeing the flash of extreme worry on his brothers’ faces.

Mustering the best smile he could amidst his headache, Jeno grinned at the two as he prevented himself from wincing when a particularly painful throb ached in his skull. “It’s just _nightmares_ hyung, there’s no need for you to sound so grave.” He chuckled, an obvious attempt to lighten up the mood which didn’t go unnoticed. Thankfully, Donghyuck understood that the conversation shouldn’t be held somewhere as public as the school cafeteria. Clapping Mark on his back, he eyed Jeno carefully before wearing a smile of his own. “On the other side of the Lee household, mom and dad are back! So I suggest that you eat that sandwich of yours because I don’t want to get nagged at for not feeding you two!” He declared quite obnoxiously, ending with a scoff and his arms crossed in front of his chest.

Jeno snorted as Mark rolled his eyes. They soon fell into easy chatter before the bell rang, signaling the start of their afternoon classes. Bidding his brothers goodbye, he sluggishly pulled himself to his classes, not really hoping for anything past survival at this point. However, this resolve of his did not last long as he remembered his dream earlier. Finally dropping the thought of classes, he decided to trudged towards the back gardens.

His headache had subsided (more like he has become numb to the pain) and for now, he doesn’t really feel sleepy. Seeing the back gardens deserted, Jeno pulled a pack of cigarettes, put one on his lips and lit it. He felt himself relax and tried to recollect his _encounter_ earlier.

‘ _Nana._ ’ Jeno thought, now used to the presence of the boy in his dreams. He cannot exactly pinpoint when he first started dreaming of the boy but he’d rather take this enigma over dying from toxins in his body due to sleep deprivation. Though a constant, it still never fails to unsettle Jeno every time the other boy becomes emotionally unstable. For when awake, he can still feel the pain brought upon by the other’s outbursts.

As he exhaled puffs of smoke, he disregarded his initial intent of trying to remember when he first encountered the boy in his dreams. All he’s certain is that, dreams aren’t supposed to work like this but he’s not complaining, body aches and pains are nothing compared to the trauma he’ll relive at night. So he takes it, as toxic and masochistic as it may seem, he’d rather feel beat up and bruised rather than relive the demons that will otherwise haunt him.

For despite the fatigue, Jeno feels comforted by the turbulence caused by Nana. Even if it meant that he’s constantly hovering over REM, he’ll take it.

_He’s scared. Clutching his stuffed poodle into his chest, the little child flinched hard and leaned against the wall when a particularly harsh thunder boomed outside. The harsh lights of the lightning increased his fear. However, that’s not what he’s the most scared of. Trudging on, his socked feet effortlessly glided across the hallway. He’s trembling but the terror inside him is preventing him from creating any semblance of noise._

_As he slowly approached the light of the slightly opened door, terror paralyzed him. Clutching his stuffed poodle into his chest, he tried suppressing the sobs that escaped his lips. It was futile. He managed to attract the attention of the monster. It looked at him, its crazed expression morphing into one of shock before morphing back into its original crazed expression._

_He took a little step back, the monster stood up and took a large one. He cannot believe what he saw but he needs to get out, he’s scared, he wants his daddy but he needs to run. Picking up speed, he ran down the hall, not forgetting to clutch his toy closer to his chest. He did not know when it started but the tears that were trickling down his cheeks were as real as they could be._

_He tried his best to run, as fast as his little feet could do. “Jeno-yah, why are you running? Don’t you love mommy anymore?” He screamed so loud as he felt cold arms encircle around him._

“You’re not my mommy!” Jeno shot up, his breathing was harried as he tried to gather his musings.

His eyes snapped open. He can feel the layer of sweat in which he’s drenched but he couldn’t care less about it. He desperately moves and tries to adjust his vision for the darkness is doing nothing but multiply the speed of his heartbeat. As he desperately trashed around, unaware of the screams and whimpers he is letting out, the door opened up.

Instinctively, he flinched at the shape that the light had created but it did not last long as the light to his bedroom came to life, finally giving him his sight that he was so desperate for earlier. “Jen?” As he was called, he finally gathered his musings, recognizing the worried and sleepy person that was standing on his doorway, hesitant to come inside, lest he trigger one of Jeno’s fainting spells.

Jeno felt himself calm down as he registered the anxious expression of his brother. Taking in a deep breath, he tried to regulate his heartbeat. “Hyuckie.” He called out breathlessly, a subtle invitation for the younger to join him. Donghyuck bit his lips before trudging towards Jeno’s bed, engulfing his brother in a tight embrace as soon as he was within an arm’s length. Jeno breathed in, taking in his brother’s unique scent composed of his separate set of toilet essentials due to his sensitive skin.

When he finally calmed down, Donghyuck let him go but the worry on his face did not weaned. “Are the dreams back again?” He asked. Jeno smiled gently at his brother but he did not provide any answer. ‘ _They never left. I just do not sleep at night that’s why these nightmares “stopped.”_ ’ Donghyuck seemed to be aware that he’s hiding something but he did not prod further, just rolling his eyes playfully before dropping on Jeno’s bed.

Jeno smiled knowing what the younger wanted to do. “We’re nearly seventeen Donghyuck.” He deadpanned, raising an eyebrow at the younger. Donghyuck pouted as he pulled Jeno to lie beside him. “Who cares? Age is just a social construct.” He put his leg over Jeno’s, snuggling closer to the elder. “You know that that’s not how it works.” Jeno flicked the younger’s forehead. Donghyuck pouted but he kept his eyes closed.

After a few beats of silence, when they settled under florescent light, Donghyuck asked him hesitantly. “Your _dreams_ … are they the same?” Jeno hummed but did not answered. Donghyuck seemed to take the hint and slowly but surely, he dozed off despite the blinding brightness of the lights.

Jeno understands that Donghyuck is worried but he doesn’t want to worry his adoptive siblings. Only his adoptive parents know the whole story of why he’s currently with them and that’s more than enough. Mark and Donghyuck don’t need his shit on their platters, they have enough to worry for themselves, they don’t need his traumatic baggage. Hugging his brother back, his eyes fell on his old stuffed poodle that’s sitting dust on the top of his bookshelf. He sighed.

It was his mistake. He shouldn’t have forgotten his nightly dose of energy drinks, he shouldn’t have succumbed to the calls of his bed. ‘ _What’s done is done already._ ’ As he made sure that Donghyuck had already slipped back into the deepness of his slumber, he untangled himself, took his bag and jacket then headed out.

It did not take him long to approach the familiar building he frequents to. Taking the usual route that he always embarks, he entered the fences despite its blatant ‘HAZARD’ sign. He mindlessly approached the dark and supposedly ominous infrastructure with his usual indifference. He refused to get lost in his thoughts so he decided to shift his focus on the path he’s walking on as well as the walls that he’s extremely familiar with. Due to his uncharacteristic awareness, he noticed the footsteps that doesn’t belong to him.

Crouching down and using the light from his phone screen, he inspected the footsteps. ‘ _It’s recent but it’s not new._ ’ He figures, taking note of the thin layer that’s sitting on the disturbed surface. He finally relaxed, thinking that he’s the only one who’s visiting that particular night. He doesn’t really care much about sharing his refuge but he also doesn’t want to encounter anyone right now. He wants to relax and stay awake peacefully.

As he reached the rooftop, he noticed the note that was left on the door. “ _Hi, I took some of your stash because I was so hungry. Don’t worry, I’ll replace whatever I took when I return. – Jaem._ ” And surely, as Jeno got on the rooftop and checked his little stash, his supply has been missing a soda and three energy bars. Surprisingly though, this did not irk him even when this ‘Jaem’ forgot to throw one of the wrappers and actually _threw_ the soda can. Taking one of the strongest energy drinks, he opened it and drank as he took his seat near the edge.

He looked at the night sky, no stars were in sight, as he chugged down the drink like water. He wondered how desperate ‘Jaem’ was to seek refuge here for contrary to popular belief, even thugs don’t come near the vicinity. He doesn’t really know whatever story it is that’s being circulated around about the building, nor does he care enough to know, but at least he has the place all to himself for years now. ‘ _Well, at least until now._ ’

It’s been years, almost a decade already, but his nightmares never ceased. It’s been years but he hasn’t slept peacefully at night since he was eight. He can try and do his best to avoid his terrors but, in the end, it’s still there, lurking and waiting for the time when he closes his eyes and succumbs to the calls of fatigue. Jeno downed the last drops before placing the empty can beside him for him to include in his large collection of cans.

His frustration was at its peak that night, it has been piling up in the recent weeks anyway, for apart from his constant sleepless nights, _Nana_ keeps on acting up and giving him massive headaches that will pursue throughout the whole day. He cannot understand anything anymore and it’s so difficult. The therapies aren’t working anymore and sleeping pills doesn’t really grant him dreamless nights.

‘ _Even my refuge in the morning became another curse as well._ ’ As tears started pouring from his eyes, Jeno bit back a sob and hugged his legs tightly. “I just want to rest.” He murmured silently to the wind. Looking down, like always, the edge looks even more beautiful that night. He closed his eyes.

_Dry and hot air harshly slaps at Jeno’s face, forcing him a few steps back before opening his eyes and taking in the scenery he’s presented with. There was nothing. The sun was high up in the sky but he cannot feel it scorch against his skin. A landscape full of sand encompasses everywhere he turn, he bit his lips. Apart from the occasional sands carried away by the wind, there was nothing to see but a large expanse of dry and dead patch of land. There really was nothing._

_Deeming his observation sufficient, he decided to walk forward. He’s not certain where he’s headed, he doesn’t have any sense of direction nor destination in this vast nothingness and barren land, but he still persisted. He figures that it’s better to move than remain where he was though he doesn’t know if that is a good decision on his part. He absentmindedly observed the sand’s movement as he threaded across the fine surface._

_“You should have stayed where you were and observed the sun’s movement before setting out, Jeno-yah.” The void was interrupted by a familiar voice. Jeno’s focus snapped back into himself as he lifted his head and there Nana was, wearing his signature smile. Just like always, his eyes are still empty. He did not reply and Nana did not seem to mind, as hinted by his follow up before taking Jeno’s shoulders and turning them towards his left. “You were walking Northeast earlier.” He supplied._

_Jeno nodded but provided nothing more. It has always been like this anyway, Nana will talk while he listens for every time that he opens his mouth, he blurts nothing good. “We’re heading North, we’re watching the Aurora.” Nana smiled as his hands lowered, his left one finally finding solace and comfort intertwined with Jeno’s right. A familiar warmth filled Jeno’s chest._

_They continued walking and soon, darkness enveloped the vast nothingness of the desert. Just like always, whenever he has Nana with him, the skies are clear, making way for their eyes to see the vast fullness of the night sky filled with stars. Awed, his mouth slightly opened as he looked up. “Look Jen, it’s starting!” Nana’s excited voice broke him out of his thoughts, and following where the other boy is pointing at, Jeno’s breath hitched upon seeing the green, blue, red, and mixtures of it swirling across the night sky._

_He lost track time of how long he was staring at the magnificent scenery. Being with Nana always brings him majestic experiences. A flash of pain suddenly hit his head, making him step back, clutching at his head. Previous encounters slowly crept its way into his mind and he can see the flickering of his world. Jeno gasped. As he was about to thrash around, a pair of hands held his shoulders and held him in place._

_“Jeno, your dream is ending, focus on me sweetheart.” Nana cupped Jeno’s face gently. Confusion was washing over him, at the same time that the world kept on flickering, the sky falling down on them but those gentle words and gentle touches halted whatever war that is inside him. “Save my world sweetheart.” Nana said, his voice even but Jeno can see the melancholy that’s laced in his irises. He wanted to ask what it was but another flash of pain crossed his head, making him crumble to his knees._

_Nana smiled sadly, slowly leaning in and placing a gentle kiss on Jeno’s forehead. “Find me. Please. Na Jaemin. Find me.” The sentence doesn’t make any sense and it didn’t make any more with Jeno’s addled brain but he still nodded nonetheless, something inside him urging him to do so. For the first time, as he just realized, a gentle yet striking scent invaded his olfaction. Something oriental._

_Vanilla._

“Lee Jeno!” That low and booming voice pierced at his audition, startling him and sending him out of his seat and on the floor with a loud thump. He felt his bottom burn. Hissing in pain, he looked up only to retract his glare upon the realization that he is in the middle of a class and the one that arouse him to awareness is their strict Literature teacher. “Shit.” He mumbled, scrambling to stan up and bow his head in ‘apology.’

As expected, he felt their teacher’s rolled module hit the back of his head quite harshly. “Straighten up.” The old man commanded which he hurriedly obeyed. He kept his eyes trained on the ground though, not having any strength to really showcase protest should the need arise. “This is the second week that you have been caught sleeping in my class! I know that you don’t really care because you still manage to acquire one of the highest GPA in the whole school but this is an absolute impertinence!” The old man shouted again as the paper collided with Jeno’s head once more.

He would have defended himself, he usually would, but his fatigue is at an all-time. Confusion is still addling his brain functions and he feels absolutely disoriented from having been harshly roused from his nap. As he trained his eyes on his table, with his teacher keeping up with his scolding, he knows that he is supposed to remember something but he cannot place his finger on it. Shutting his eyes tightly, Jeno tried racking his brain for answers.

“Lee Jeno! Are you still listening-” The screaming stopped. Jeno felt his heartbeat pick up as his body turned numb and static filled his ears. His breath hitched. ‘ _Vanilla._ ’ His eyes widened. Something around him smells like vanilla.

His lost memory from his earlier dream suddenly came crashing on him. Sensations suddenly filled him, from Nana’s fingertips intertwined with his, to the soft caresses on his face, and that gentle kiss on his forehead. Rousing to his full height, he ignored his teacher’s and classmates’ noises and ran away. He’s not sure where he’s headed but he’s certain that he wants and needs to seek answers.

He never had trouble remembering his dreams about Nana but this is different. Something is off and there is an itch within him to solve it. “ _Save my world sweetheart._ ” Excruciating pain suddenly filled his head, causing him to crouch and double on the ground, uncaring even if he’s doubling in pain in the middle of the school corridor. “ _Save my world sweetheart._ ” Jeno groaned particularly loud as he clasped his head, wanting for the pain to disappear and for his recollection to properly do its job once again.

The pain just multiplied as his ears kept on ringing, the sad plea embedding itself in the back of his eyelids.

The next time that he gathered his musings, the scent of disinfectant is stinging at the bridge of his nose, causing for him to scrunch and force his eyes open. The obnoxiously white walls and equally obnoxiously bright fluorescent surprised him but his brothers’ presence gave him an idea. “Hyung? Hyuckie?” He called out, his voice hoarse but thankfully, his head is no longer pounding, just a little bit of numbness.

Mark and Donghyuck stood up from the couch where they were sitting and eagerly sat on each side of him, like they always do. “You asshole. You haven’t been sleeping!” Donghyuck exclaimed, harshly whacking Jeno’s leg. Jeno blinked confusedly at him before looking at Mark, inquiring. ‘ _It’s not like I ever really sleep._ ’ The elder sighed and flicked Jeno’s head gently. “Mom and Dad was summoned. Your classmates told us what happened before you collapsed right in front of the library. Miss Jo was the one who called for an ambulance. Old Choi was reprimanded because of the shit he had done to you, it was a common knowledge to the teachers about your _condition_ but in spite of that, he still picked on you for no apparent reason.” Mark’s eyes were dark, obviously seething and barely containing himself and would have erupted if not for Donghyuck being equally aggravated.

Jeno shook his head at his brother. “Choi has a point though.” He smiled, wishing to ease the burden which his trouble had caused his family. “Shut up or Mom will make you with that poisonous smores of hers.” Donghyuck threatened as he shivered at the thought of their mother’s desserts. Jeno laughed at that, infinitely feeling better compared to earlier. He can feel Mark’s fond look at them and he smiled at the elder.

“Mom and Dad… w-what happened when they were summoned?” Jeno asked warily, irrationally afraid as well as guilty knowing that their parents are busy nowadays. “Mom, as expected, was fuming, if it weren’t for Taeyong hyung holding her back, she would have yeeted Old Choi into outer space.” Donghyuck cackled at the memory, as if it’s a laughing matter. “Dad… dad was extremely distraught though. He was red with anger while they spoke with Choi in the Principal’s office but he was silent. When they got out, it was actually Taeyong hyung who retold us what went down because Dad broke down crying and Mom set him aside in one of the empty classrooms.” Mark supplied carefully.

Jeno felt uneasy about that because now, not only was their parents involved, even their eldest brother was there, taking care of the mess he had caused. Even their Dad broke down, the usually cheery man broke down crying because of his carelessness. He felt Donghyuck squeeze his hand, his eyes hardening as the youngest seemed to sense the self-blaming Jeno was conducting inside his mind. “You stop there, none of this was your fault.” He warned, his voice is low and supposedly threatening but Jeno knows that he is coming from a place of concern. “Well, at some point, you do have a hand in this, just as we all do.” He retracted back not a second later, making Jeno shoot him a deadpanned look.

“We thought you were getting better Jen, when you asked to stop seeing your therapists. We understand and respect your choice for privacy but it’s really painful to see you carry this _burden_ all alone.” Mark said, biting his lips and obviously disappointed at himself for failing to take care of his little brother. Jeno tried to sit up and hold his hyung’s hand. “It’s nothing hyung, really, it’s just the same old nightmares. It’s still composed of my biological mother and her heinous crime. That’s why I didn’t tell you because I can still catch up with sleep in the morning.” He tried comforting his brothers but he knows that it’s useless.

“But Jen, you fainted out of fatigue. It means that even your naps throughout the day isn’t sufficient anymore.” Donghyuck argued. “We’re not really forcing you to tell us every single thing, because we understand that it’s hard, but at least little snippets from time to time? How we can help you, when the dreams are particularly more terrible than usual, and where you keep wandering to every single night.” Jeno bit his lips, his guilt eating him up but there’s also panic settling inside him, realizing that his escapades will no longer go unnoticed.

His family knows about his nightmares, it’s inevitable. Almost everyone knows about the tragedy of his biological parents. A psychotic mother killing his loving husband and almost doing the same to their seven-year-old who was also the main witness to that horrific night. He had to retell the story for more than a year, and even after the _woman_ had finally gotten her verdict, Jeno still relives that trauma every single night since he was seven. And everyone knows that; everybody knows the hellish boy who barely escape the clutches of death.

Many tell him that he’s lucky. He’s lucky that their policeman neighbor was out for a smoke the same time that the seven-year-old him ran out, screaming on the top of his lungs while his mother was hot on his heels. Others tell him that he was smart. For his age, he reacted quite intelligently, running off instead of running towards his father who was getting brutally stabbed in front of his eyes. There were also those that consider him brave but everyone pities him.

However, this is not the time for his scheduled pity party. Smiling at his brothers. “I’ll be fine.” Even though he knows that he won’t be. Especially now that he needs to find Nana. ‘ _Na Jaemin. Just what do you mean?_ ’

“Thank goodness for the internet. If it weren’t for technology, I would be nowhere.” Jeno sighed as he patted the stacks of paper and books he had scavenge from numerous bookstores across the city inside his bag. All of them are about dream symbolisms as well as numerous theories that he could find and compiled after having a lengthy chat with their school librarian and her girlfriend. Jeno snickered at the privilege he is enjoying because of Old Choi’s fuck up.

He would have preferred reading them electronically, what with less baggage he has to take to his hideout but none of them, except for Taeyong, are allowed to smartphones until they finally enter college. He can’t really take one of their two common laptops because that would be too suspicious. ‘ _I’d just stick with buttering up with Taeyeon noona and Tiffany noona._ ’ He pouted as he entered the empty compound. As always, it was empty.

Crouching down, he walked on squats, carefully holding trekking the narrow pathway he had made for himself. As he entered the dusty entrance of the building, he saw the same unfamiliar foot patterns on the dusty floor. Something swirled inside him, not exactly fear despite the obvious prompting of it, no, it’s more of anticipation and curiosity. ‘ _Maybe I’ll finally meet Jaem._ ’ So when he entered the rooftop carefully, disappointment washed over him when he saw the usual emptiness of the rooftop.

Placing down his bag on the worn-down futon he has set from years ago, he looked at his unassuming and camouflaged ice box. There was a note on it. “ _Hi, I replenished your stash. I also added some more snacks and candies because your stash is alarmingly stale. Oh! I also brought some cans to add to your collection because I threw the ones from last time. Thank you. - Jaem_ ”

Jeno smiled and took one of the new and unfamiliar items that has been added in his stash. He also saw the unassuming plastic full of sugar cubes. Jeno hollered in laughter. ‘ _This Jaem has a weird taste._ ’ He still took one and popped it in his mouth though the pure sugar delicacy is not the most satisfying. Taking a seat on the futon, he emptied his bag of its contents, planning to expand his knowledge throughout the night.

He slowly absorbed Freud and Jung when it hit him. As he nodded and scrunched his face about Jung’s postulation that dreams reveal more than they conceal, the scent of vanilla which was so subtle finally became pungent for his perception. Standing up, realization dawned on him as he dropped the paper he was holding.

‘ _Dreams reveal more than they conceal._ ’

Like an aggravated prey, he swiftly craned his neck and turned manically. Desperation eats at him when memories with his encounter with Nana – no, Jaemin, pounded at his consciousness. Frustration clawed at his throat as the information turned to knowledge.

‘ _Dreams can be telepathic in nature._ ’

The final puzzle piece was retrieved. As he plopped on the dusty ground of the rooftop, he can see the puzzle pieces falling from the sky, toppling him with the half-baked truth. The boy in his dreams who he grew up with and thought to be a figment of his imagination exists. He has to find him and he is near and the most important of it all is that he needs to find him ASAP.

Jeno doesn’t know much but he knows that he is running out of time.

_“Unwanted.”_

_“Harbinger of misfortune.”_

_“Nuisance.”_

_Sobs crept up from his throat, clogging it until his little body is heaving due to the difficulty to breathe. Despite the pain on his busted lip and grazed palms and knees, he pushed himself up and ran away. For as cowardly as it would definitely seem, this alternative is better than breaking down in front of those judgmental adults._

_His Mom and Dad always tells him that he’s special, that it’s not his fault, and he wants to believe them but everyone is telling him otherwise. Maybe they are right, he really is the reason why his daddy is now dead; the reason why his mommy went crazy._

_And the reason why Belladonna, his best friend, is now lying on the pool of her blood in the middle of the street. Trembling and pathetically whimpering with the dog, he looked up, only to see the frowns and laughs of everyone. “Please… Help us! Please!_ _Please help us! Please help Bella!”_

“Jeno-yah! Wake up Jeno-yah!” Jeno shot up, his eyes wide opened as sweat trickle down his nape. He felt restless but Taeyong’s worried face entering his vision eased him. Smiling uneasily, he scratched his head, trying to brush off the fact that he probably woke up their whole household with his screaming. “I’m sorry hyung.”

His mattress dipped where Taeyong sat and Jeno tensed up before relaxing like a pudding when he was engulfed into the warm arms of his hyung. His eyes are burning but he blinked back the tears with a diversionary comment. “Your limbs are so bony, hyung.” He chuckled, earning a harsh whack on the back from the elder. “Shut up and just accept my affection.” Taeyong remarked sassily but his gentle caresses on the younger’s locks says otherwise.

They stayed like that, Taeyong holding Jeno just like the old days – when they were young, when Taeyong has yet to leave for university, when Jeno still tries his hardest to sleep despite the recurring nightmares, and ‘ _when I was under the impression that I deserve love._ ’ Jeno thought grimly but he let none of it out, lest he offend a brother so dear to his heart.

Unlike Mark who will pester him due to his anxiety nor Donghyuck who’d pout and sulk as he drills into Jeno’s head their affections, Taeyong did nothing but hold him closely and gently and though he won’t say it out loud, he really missed the elder. ‘ _I wish I was a child once more, I wish, though blindly, that I am still hanging on those false hopes of love and affection._ ’ With his thoughts, he has unconsciously tugged his brother closer as a few of his tears had betrayed him and escaped his eyes.

“Do you want me to drop you off that to that ‘ _rat-infested_ ’ hideout of yours?” Taeyong asked after Jeno finally pulled away. He should be surprised but this is Taeyong, their all-knowing elder brother (who probably has friends where he shouldn’t), so he’s not even surprised. Seeing his complacency, Taeyong winked and explained himself. “I sought Yuta’s help. Your little building is really such an eye-candy especially for the local gangs in the area.” It was curt but Jeno just smiled. “Thank you hyung, but I think I’ll go alone this time. You also have to return to Seoul early tomorrow.”

Standing up, he grabbed his usual escape kit from the crack between his closet and study table. He can feel Taeyong’s worried gaze but he knows that the elder will respect his wishes anyway. “Jen, not one of us can really grasp your traumas and not one of us knows what happens when we’re not present, but please, please _my beautiful dongsaeng_ , please, let us in from time to time?” There’s desperation in Taeyong’s voice and Jeno’s lips wobbled as he halted in his tracks. Biting his lips and mustering his best smile, he offered it at his hyung.

As he exited his room, he did not miss Taeyong’s loud and clear message: “You do not believe us but we love you Jen. At least I love you lil’ bro.”

He fastened his pace, fearing that he’ll break down pathetically.

_Blinking rapidly, Jeno rubbed his eyes and as his bleariness wore off, he made sense of his surroundings. ‘_ Another vast emptiness. _’ As soon as the thought entered his mind, it clicked to him that he’s dreaming. Remembering Nana’s words from last time, he stayed put this time, eyeing the vastness in front of him._

_It’s empty, yet, it’s not. Another type of desert, Jeno figured but this is a different type of desert. The road that he’s standing on seemed endless, while the vast expanse of the dry patch of land encompasses for as far as his vision can perceive. He waited, and surely, his patience’s fruit came not too long later. “You’re learning.” It was Nana. Jeno turned around and came face to face with the boy._

_Usually, Jeno would have lost his autonomy the moment that Nana appeared, but something has shifted inside him. He needs answers and the answers that he needs can only be provided by the person in front of him. Now that he has full consciousness inside his REM, he realizes that Nana is basically faceless. With full higher-thought processes on, his dreamscape flickered when instability hit him. He knows that Nana do have a face but there’s nothing to register there, nothing to store into his memories._

_Nana smiled as he walked towards Jeno. “I see, you’ve finally learnt control. You do not know how long I’ve waited.” Just like always, he speaks so enigmatically but unlike before, Jeno now has the capacity to think in this state of his. He has so many questions but he did not dare to voice any of them out in fear of waking himself up without learning anything. Thankfully, just like always, Nana somehow knows what he’s thinking. Taking his hand and intertwining their hands together, Nana pulled him towards a certain direction._

_“Just ask Jeno; as long as you don’t get worked up, you’ll remain in this scape.” Jaemin broke their silence, answering Jeno’s woes and easing him from his inhibitions. Still carefully though, Jeno nodded as he tried to properly verbalize and prioritize his thoughts. There are so much he’d like to ask, so many things he wants to learn, however, just as how much Jaemin just knows, something in him also knows that somehow, there are questions that must wait – truths that shouldn’t be discussed inside the dreamscape._

_“I need to find you Jaemin-ah.” He finally used the name he was given weeks ago. He cannot see it clearly but he knows that Nana is smiling so widely, all teeth as his eyes crinkled up. “You remember…” Nana whispered but Jeno caught it as he tightened his hold on the former’s hand, wanting to offer his nonexistent warmth in this plethora of mental images._

_“I’ve been leaving you hints for years but this is the first time that you remembered an information left from another dream not the current one.” Jeno halted as he heard the hitch in Nana’s voice, and as he turned, he can see the tears that washed the other’s face. He tried to reach out, but suddenly, a particularly strong gust of wind almost toppled the two of them over. Jeno knows it’s not him._

_Looking at Nana desperately, he took note of the tornado that’s quickly taking form. “Jaemin-ah! What’s happening?” He’s panicking, his breathing becoming harried as anxiety surge through this supposedly numb state. The dreamscape will crash._

_“Nana! Please!” He screamed once more when the tornado finally took form, destroying everything and anything that’s on its path. Nana was still crying but he’s nodding. “Save me Jeno. Please. Save me. 0408 Empathy Corner Street. Please. Don’t make me wait too long. Not you too Jeno-yah.”_

_After a particularly pained scream, Jeno saw how the tornado pulled Jaemin away from him and subsequently, the world crashed down._

“0408 Empathy Corner Street!” Jeno screamed, shooting up from the table. Mark and Donghyuck was absolutely startled, droplets of Donghyuck’s juice on the table after he accidentally sputtered some of it. Finally noticing the presence of his brothers, he pulled a piece of paper from his bag and hastily writing down the address in fears of it slipping his mind.

Mark and Donghyuck shared a glance as they looked at the address. “Isn’t this the building just outside the outskirts of the town? The one that the local authorities had blacklisted and even the gangs refused to claim?” Donghyuck noted. Jeno’s eyes widened. Giving Donghyuck the paper, he pulled Mark up, not bothering to take their things. Looking at Donghyuck, he gave the youngest some instructions. “Call for the cops and Taeyong hyung. Don’t attend your afternoon classes and go straight home. However, no matter what happens, don’t inform Mom and Dad yet. _Do it quickly, Donghyuck-ah._ ”

He did not bother listening to the youngest’s reply as he harshly pulled Mark with him. In under three minutes, they were mounting their bikes as he haphazardly gave Mark their destination. He did not miss Mark’s worry and questioning gaze but they are on a time constraint and every single second is critical.

Due to the time of the day, the streets are almost empty save for a few vehicles and a few passersby. In addition to Jeno’s desperation and adrenaline, they arrived in no time. Mark was hesitant despite the certainty in Jeno’s steps as they dropped their bike just outside the fence. Holding Jeno’s hand, halting the both of them which caused a distressed sound from the younger’s throat. “Jeno, I know you have your reasons but you have to brief me before doing whatever you need to do.” Mark said sternly, not totally departing from his usual demeanor but quite intimidating.

Jeno shook his head as he pulled Mark slowly into the building. “I do not know the specifics but I need your help hyung.” And with that, Mark relented, his shoulders sagging as he nodded and followed Jeno’s careful footsteps. As they carefully trekked the stairs, Jeno can now clearly see the disturbed by multiple footsteps. There was a gaping realization inside him that’s threatening to burst out but his thoughts were halted as he heard loud and taunting laughter.

That’s not what prompted him to bolt up though, it was the pained whimper followed by his name being called. Jeno’s blood ran cold as he recognized the name. He cannot even remember the sequence of events as he soon found himself lying on the ground, a knee on his chest while his lips are busted while his cheek is stinging. He cannot even bring himself to look for Mark who’s thankfully not yet with him as he locked his eyes with the battered and bruised boy who’s kneeling a few feet away from him.

“Look here pretty boy, I don’t care what’s the deal with you and Na Jaemin but I don’t appreciate the fucking ruckus you’ve caused with my boys.” The one that’s holding him gripped his jaw and forced him to look up. Jeno doesn’t care for he wants nothing but to run over to Nana and ask and talk, and just _hold him_ close. Seeing that he’s unresponsive, the bully that’s kneeing him on his chest grew bored as he pulled Jeno up, pulling him from his thoughts as he anticipated the fist that will collide with his cheeks.

“I highly suggest against that.” Jeno whipped his head at the doorway, relief surging through his veins as he saw his elder brother. Mark looks cool and intimidating, with his hands tucked in his pockets and his eyes dead and cold as he stares and looked over at the thugs that filled and thrashed the rooftop. The boy that’s holding him threw him harshly to the side. Jeno can see the faint fear on the thugs’ eyes as Mark further stepped into the rooftop.

Jeno’s glad for the diversion though, for now, everyone’s on their toes, leaving Nana alone, slumped on the ground. Jeno stood up and ran towards the bleeding boy. As he finally got hold of Nana, his breath hitched upon seeing just how battered the boy actually was. “Je…no?” The boy in his dreams croaked out, as if unbelieving of his presence.

Smiling, Jeno nodded and wiped Nana’s cheeks tenderly, wincing at the bruises that his thumb had glazed over. It did not seem to affect Nana though, still staring at Jeno with his eyes wide-opened. “What took you so long?” Nana’s lips trembled as his grip on Jeno’s uniform tightened. Jeno’s eyes watered but he blinked away his tears as he pulled Nana close to his chest. He doesn’t know how to answer that because the question is so heavy and symbolic yet so, so innocent. How long and desperate the boy must have gotten for Jeno’s nothing more than an ignorant little boy for the majority of his life.

“I’m sorry for being so late.”

Jeno cannot understand the progress of matters. He can kind of understand the appall that his family is feeling but he cannot understand the coldness that Jaemin’s constantly emitting. He can’t even call the other ‘Nana’ anymore. Despite these pressing concerns of his, he’s still thankful for his family’s support. From Taeyong taking care of the police reports against the thugs that cornered Jaemin when they found him to calling the social services when their Mom saw traces of domestic abuse, he’s thankful.

Even when none of them knows about his motivations, they still mobilized according to his requests and Jeno felt his heart swell at that. He’s not yet ready to return to his family, what with all the guilt that he’s still carrying inside him, but he wants to come home. Soon. Feeling a gentle hand on his head, he looked up at Taeyong and beamed, catching the eldest off-guard.

“How’s he, hyung?” Jeno reached out from his pocket to give Taeyong the vitamin that he had brought. Taeyong shook his head and smiled, Jeno can see the disappointment laced in his good-natured gesture. Jeno just nodded appreciatively, hiding his disappointment because he knows just how much Taeyong and Yuta had done for him and his little request. “It’s alright hyung, everyone has done so much for me already.” He smiled, hiding his pain.

Taeyong clicked his teeth, earning a startled stare from Jeno. “You’re starting this ‘I can manage’ game of yours again.” Jeno tilted his head in confusion as the elder sat beside him, gently nudging his shoulders. “You keep on bottling everything up until it explodes, you never ask for help even if you’re literally dying with sleep deprivation.” Jeno smiled sheepishly at that, refusing to answer. Taeyong sighed and took Jeno’s head and placed it on his shoulder, patting the younger’s head gently. “We’re your family Jen, it’s alright to ask for favors, we’d always love to help you.”

Jeno felt his eyes burning, his throat closing, and his stomach turning against him. He knows, he genuinely appreciates his family, but he has wounds that just won’t heal and fears that just won’t let him bring down his walls and reservations. He’s trying though, for it is so darn tiring to live all alone especially with monsters constantly eating you whilst asleep; one can only take so much before they finally succumb to eternal slumber.

“Just ask us Jeno.” Taeyong said gently, one last time. Nodding, Jeno swallowed the lump in his throat and hugged his elder brother. “Thanks, hyung.” He muttered, earning a sigh from the elder. Blinking away his tears, he smiled curtly. “Can I see him today?” Taeyong looks somber but nodded nonetheless. “He’s still unresponsive, isn’t he?” Jeno clarified despite the obvious answer he’ll get. Jaemin hasn’t been responsive anyway since he rescued him from the rooftop days ago and he has been dreamless since then.

This meant that he has finally earnt sleep during the night and is slowly recovering from his zombie-like state that had accumulated through the years. ‘He really is my lucky star.’ Jeno felt the familiar guilt rising up in his chest once more. He suppressed it. Taeyong held his hand and squeezed it gently, assuring him despite not knowing it all. “It’ll turn up somehow.” It’s not an empty assurance but a practical one and Jeno thinks that it’s more than enough.

He has been beating himself up for being too slow and not catching Jaemin’s messages through the years but he realized that it’s futile, and the only thing that he could do is help Jaemin. ‘Probably mend his broken mind in the process.’ For he can see that in addition to the physical trauma that he receives on the daily, his constant visits in Jeno’s head took a toll in his head as well. Jeno did his research and the truth that he had gathered just further soured his mood upon realizing the pain that he was unknowingly causing Jaemin then. The latter gave him comfort and rest through his nightmare-stricken days but at what cost?

Biting at his lips, he finally stood up and thanked his elder brother. He was about to turn to the direction of the hallway which Jaemin is currently staying when screaming and panic flashed in front of his eyes. Everything went hazy, halting him in his steps but despite the chaos, he caught one important fact that caused his heart to drop in his stomach. “Na Jaemin! Room 13! He is attempting self-harm!”

Jeno bolted.

There are shards of glass everywhere. Pools of red liquid filled the floor as some of the splashes on the wall oxidized and joined the brown staining. He was sure that earlier, he can still feel the harsh sting on his skin, in his flesh, but now, there’s nothing. Not even a tingle, not even a spark, just, nothing. He can’t even feel the liquid that’s oozing out, as he proceeded to pierce even deeper.

With nothing but the moonlight illuminating the room deep in the night, he blankly stared at the monster he had beckoned. He blinked once, twice, thrice, until he could no longer track the passage of time. “If I pierced my heart, will I feel anything?” He whispered to himself and subsequently flinched upon hearing it. Feeling his first bout of emotion apart from emptiness, he maneuvered the shard he’s holding, aiming at his throat.

Just as he gripped the shard tightly, further cutting his palm open, the door busted open. “No!” He looked up at the disturbance but everything started to crumble, and soon, his consciousness slipped.

For every single encounter meant that he had to sacrifice a little bit of his sanity and lifeline. And he’s wearing thin.

_Jeno blinked and he noticed that he’s surrounded by fire. It’s not a small, easy to extinguish fire, for everywhere he looks, every direction his head turn, everything is engulfed with fire. Despite this, Jeno did not hesitate to walk around. He’s afraid, terrified even, especially with what happened earlier and Jaemin’s absence in his dreams for far too long is terrifying._

_Ignoring the fire that was caught in his sleeves, he frantically navigated through the flames. “Nana! Jaemin! Please, where are you?!” He screamed and at this point, he’s crying and sobbing and choking through the flames. Still, he was met with silence. A silence so piercing that it cut through the harsh sound of the flames as they burnt Jeno._

_“Jaemin-ah! Please!” He’s sobbing at this point for there’s nothing but miles and miles of emptiness and flames. It’s like an unending hell and Jaemin’s absence is intensifying the pain. “Please. At least live, please Jaemin-ah.” He fell on his knees, pathetically looking up at the enormous flames that’s starting to eat him._

_As despair slowly ate at him, something emerged from the flames. Like a light that’s even brighter than the fire, hope bloomed inside him. “Jeno-yah.” Wiping his face of the tears, albeit futilely, Jeno tried to stand up despite the wobbling of his legs. The burning on his skin suddenly doesn’t matter again as he recognized the figure that’s now detailed and clear in his dreams._ His Nana.

_“N-nana.” Jeno mumbled, the nickname escaping him despite Jaemin’s hostility against him in the conscious world. Jaemin smiled as he gently wrapped his arms around Jeno, the scent of vanilla invading his nostrils and calming him. Just like always. Jeno wrapped his arms on Jaemin’s waist and pulled him tighter, afraid of facing the reality outside of his dreams._

_“Nana, please, please.” Jeno breathed like a mantra, desperate to anchor Jaemin back into life. “Please don’t leave life. Even if you hate me, even if you scorn me, just please don’t- don’t give up. Not now, please.” He whimpered incoherently against Jaemin’s shoulder. Jaemin did not reply just yet as he shushed Jeno with his gentle swaying and low voice. As if uncaring of the enormous flames that are eating them from all directions, they embraced and comforted each other._

_“I’m sorry for my behavior back there.” Jeno heard Jaemin said amidst the deafening sound of the fire. “At least now, our nightmares finally stopped. Haven’t they?” Jaemin pulled away and Jeno cannot mistake the small spark of mirth that’s laced in the former’s eyes. Nodding, he sniffed and clutched tightly at Jaemin’s shirt. He wants to ask for answers but he’s too afraid of tipping something and losing Jaemin. “I’ll explain. Want to take a walk with me?”_

_Shaking his head frantically, Jeno returned to caging Jaemin in his arms. He’s clinging like a koala but he’s afraid and fear is meddling with his thinking even when his consciousness is intact in the dreamscape. Chuckling, Jaemin nodded and just continued on petting Jeno’s head. “Fine, let’s stay here, just like this.” Jeno whimpered and nodded, waiting for Jaemin to start._

_“We don’t have much time here before you’re roused from your nap so I’ll just tell you the essentials. That will suffice until my waking body finally gains back a little bit of rationality.” Jeno can hear the shift in Jaemin’s mood but he knows better than to ask and check. “I chose you, Jeno-yah.” Jeno’s breath hitched upon Jaemin’s words._

_“I could choose which dreams to invade and I chose you Jeno-yah. It was my choice to tear down my mind and body for a lonely boy like you who keeps on rejecting everyone apart from me.” Jeno felt Jaemin’s gentle kiss on his forehead. “Your parents are waking you up now.” And just like Jaemin said, Jeno saw the crumbling of the dream._

_“Let go Jeno, this isn’t me.” Jaemin whispered as Jeno tightened his hold on him. “But-” “And I’ll need you to rouse me from my mind. Will you do that for me?” That, Jeno cannot deny._

_As he let go and the flames finally dwindled and ate Jaemin swiftly, Jeno tried to mark Jaemin’s gentle smile in his mind. “Just so you know, I’m bringing out this smile of yours into the reality. Whatever the cost.” He announced haughtily, basking in the laugh that it elicited from Jaemin. “I’m holding you onto that…”_

In the darkness of the night, their own little rooftop is glowing with the fairy lights they had assembled weeks ago. As usual, the town is quiet and peaceful and their little safe haven is theirs and theirs alone. Keeping each other close under the pollution-covered sky, Jeno kept on his task of playing and messing with Jaemin’s freshly-dyed blue hair. It was dry during the first few days after being bleached, but now, Jeno’s pleasantly surprised of how smooth and soft it had become.

“Nana, am I still dreaming?” Jeno whispered for the fear that everything is not his reality and that the curtain will fall anytime crept up from his chest once again. Jaemin scooted closer and wrapped his arms around Jeno’s waist, his eyes still trained on the hollow sky that’s looking down on them. “I’m not sure about you but I’m certain that the stimuli I’m processing right now are as real as they can be.” There was a ghostly smile playing on Jaemin’s lips and Jeno figures, this must be real then.

They aren’t really the most reassuring people; neither are good with words nor expression. The two of them are mentally scarred teenagers that’s still bearing the wounds of their pasts. However, they know that they are more fortunate than most for they had unlocked the secrets and passages of their minds that led them to each other. Jeno thanks all his lucky stars for Jaemin’s immense knowledge, for he couldn’t imagine anything other than holding the other boy close to himself, burying his nose into Jaemin’s neck and taking in the soft scent of vanilla that characterized the other boy’s identity.

“You keep on sniffing me every single time.” Jaemin whispered, amusement laced in his voice but his gaze is fond as ever – a total contrast from the anger personified which he met in his dreams from years ago. “You smell so lovely.” Jeno answered simply, clearly recalling their first encounter. It hasn’t been long, just six months ago, but to Jeno, it feels like a lifetime has passed.

In the short span of three months, Jeno felt like so much has happened. It was so eventful that five years of his life paled in comparison to the shit they had undergone in that three months. Until now, there is still the fear that lingered inside him, the fear that had he just arrived even a second late, he wouldn’t have Jaemin in his arms right now, and none of them would have found even a sliver of relief in their marred lives. “You’re thinking about it again.” Jaemin whispered, his eyes now focused on Jeno’s unfocused ones.

Jeno shook his head, nuzzling closer to Jaemin. “I can’t help it, I almost lost you because of my ignorance-” He was suddenly cut off as Jaemin lifted himself up and pressed their lips together. It was chaste, soft, and quick, but it did well in easing Jeno’s worries slightly. “We’re young and this whole _telepathy_ thing isn’t really a well-discussed topic, you couldn’t have known. Only Carl Jung delved in himself well enough to even provide this insight.” Jaemin hummed as his thumb caressed Jeno’s cheekbone gently.

Jeno pouted, the guilt still lurking in his chest. “You know about it though.” He attempted but he knew it is futile as Jaemin shook his head and smiled gently, melancholy laced in his eyes as he interlaced their fingers and played with it. “Mom left me her journal and I had been lucid dreaming since I was 7, I had to know about it. It was my only path to salvation.” Jaemin is still smiling but Jeno knows how hard it was for the both of them.

Two boys, broken beyond repair, had found the path towards each other’s minds. Only one was aware of the power that one can wield. Jeno’s breath hitched as the question which plagued his mind months ago finally resurfaced as realization dawned on him. “You know the power that you could have wielded.” He whispered, looking at Jaemin’s curious eyes. “You could have chosen somebody who could easily take you out. You told me that one could choose which mind and dreams to invade-” Jeno started rambling, his eyes unfocused as he tried to rack his brain for explanations.

Jaemin smiled and cupped his face. “Yet I chose ‘ _ignorant_ ’ you, isn’t that what you wanted to ask?” Jeno nodded for that choice doesn’t seem to make sense for the rational and logical Jaemin that he knows. “To tell you the truth, when I first emerged myself from our first telepathic encounter, I was livid. I told you this before, but the dreamscape is nothing but doors. I know which one to choose, I know which door to open but for some reason, your fragile and barely attached door kept on pulling me. See, you were basically next door to the one I wanted. Every single day we spend dreaming, every single time I wake up, I will tell myself, ‘ _just one last time, one last time and I’ll leave this sphere._ ’ I never managed to. Until I hit fifteen and I no longer had the choice to leave you.” Jaemin shrugged.

Jeno felt the guilt that started clawing at his chest but it was gone as quickly as it arrived with Jaemin’s next words. “It took us a while to be here but I guess you’re the living proof that soulmates do exist.” He grinned, prompting Jeno to mirror it and actually genuinely mirror the warmth in his eyes. “Was that why you kept on giving me massive headaches?” He asked incredulously as he realized the implications and timeline.

Jaemin smiled sheepishly as he was the one who pulled Jeno impossibly closer to hide his face on Jeno’s chest. “Sorry.” Jeno shook his head and settled on chuckling. As he slowly settled down, he looked up into the sky as a gentle smile etched on his face with pleasant memories surfacing on their little recollection. “Thank you though. Your presence literally vanquished my nightmares. And my relationship with my family improved.” Jeno whispered.

“That was all you though.” Jaemin answered softly, his eyes trained on the fairy lights above them. “When you tried to find me, you slowly left the recess of your mind. When you let me go, you finally faced your reality.” Reaching out to the sky, Jaemin smiled. “If anything, I should thank you. You gave me a family, Jeno-yah.”

His Mom and Dad, his Taeyong hyung, his Mark hyung, Donghyuckie, and now, he has Nana. Jeno knows that he still has a long way to go, still has yet to let go of the nonsense he kept on chewing as he grew up, still has to accept the nightmares that haunts him from time to time, but this time, he doesn’t have to face his dreams alone.

And Jaemin no longer has to live in his nightmares anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> So did I just left you with a massive open ending? Yes, yes I did. 🙈 I'm so sorry for this mess, I swear I did not meant for it to be this... incoherent? 🙈 
> 
> As you might have read, I used Jung's belief that dreams are telephatic by nature. I also deliberately refused to unravel the details of Jeno's trauma and put my focus on the main conflicts as well as the dreams aspect (yes, I spent so much effort on that that the narrative went shitty, I'm so sorry 😭). The prompt was in Jeno's perspective, thus, the lack of Jaemin's backstory, apart from the snippets I've given from the dreams and the denouement. I guess he's a story for another time.
> 
> I'm so sorry to the prompter, I've butchered your prompt. 😭
> 
> If you've reached this point of the story, thank you very much for sticking until the very end. 🥺 It was very hard for me to write this because it can be quite heavy at times, especially with the nightmares and all. Plus it was so hard to listen to songs, that's why the playlist is so short, merely consisting of 8 songs, because of how sensitive it was for me to write this. One of the good things that I've experienced while writing this though is my rekindled love for our local musicians. 🥺 
> 
> You can go curse me at my [CC](https://curiouscat.me/LeilaLynn_). 🙈 If you also can, please let me know your thoughts below. 🙈 'Till then.


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